There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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