you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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