the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
