I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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