Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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