Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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