I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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