Soap is not a condiment
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
