Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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