so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
