i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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