Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
