I murdered the dance floor call the cops
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
