i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
