And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
