Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
