I cut my penus on the lid.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
