I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
