I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
