Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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