I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
