I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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