If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
