In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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