im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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