How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
