u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
