I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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