You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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