the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
