I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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