he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
