wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
zippers are such a cool invention
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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