I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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