She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
