I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
a search helicopter?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
