first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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