i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
