I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We are all done wearing pants today
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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