it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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