All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you had me at cake vodka
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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