watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
