i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
