i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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