Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We have started to decorate penises.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
