Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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