I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
