Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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