She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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