is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
