apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
