Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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