She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I die, sorry about rent.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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