I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
