just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
