Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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