so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
