Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
