dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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