Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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