The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
