return my video game
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
