When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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