I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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