He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
