you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
