FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
