Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
In America we eat man semen.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
