i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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