call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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