We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
