Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
