God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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