My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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