This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
