why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
