She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
