This is not my ceiling
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
