Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
