I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
